Confessions of a Christ Follower / Artist

I am a Christ follower and an artist. And as both, I think it's easy for me to fall into certain traps. I often wonder if other artists feel the same way. I'm not saying that only artist struggle with these things, I don't think it's a unique list that only a certain group of people can relate to. At our core, we all struggle with pride, self worth, and we put on masks at some point or another. Here's a little sampling of what I mean. This list is just the tip of the iceberg, and if you'd like to add your own - feel free to jump in.

I am harder on myself than I should be - I compare myself to others and find myself lacking. I wish I had a voice like that person, could write songs like some other person, and had the stage presence of somebody else.

Sometimes I write songs that are more concerned with what the listener wants to hear than what my heart wants to say.

I feel guilty when I'm not current on the latest and greatest worship songs or when there's an artist that I "should" know about but I don't.

I have a hard time celebrating the successes of my fellow artist and an easy time reveling in their failures.

How I define success becomes more about how many dates I have, how many CDs are sold, or how many people I'm in front of. I buy into the lie that numbers matter more than people. With that, I chase after some imaginary carrot that's dangling in front of me and I think once I obtain it I will have "arrived."

I search for validation of my art from someone else. I think that when I've received their stamp of approval, then my music will be "legitimate."

I have a difficult time admitting that I don't know how to play a certain guitar riff, a certain song, or a certain chord. I stick with what I know and stray into mediocrity.

Sometimes when I meet a person of influence my first thought is, "how can that person help advance my career in ministry" rather than, "how can that person shape me into a more Christ-like man or mentor me as an artist."

I can over analyze and tear apart someone else's song, and still be over protective and blindingly defensive of my own music.

I can allow a compliment to take root in my heart and then turn into pride in my own ability.

One minute, I can allow a criticism to carry too much weight in my life and become a huge stumbling block for me and I can dismiss a kind word because I think "oh they're just saying that." Then the next minute I can dismiss Spirit-led feedback and embrace an unmerited compliment.

I can rely too much on natural talent and too little on prayer, preparation, and practice.

Most of the time, I think being busy means I'm being effective and being restful means I'm lazy. But usually the opposite is true - I'm most effective when I'm rested.

As a worship leader, I can rely too much on a certain song to create a moment and rely too little on the Holy Spirit to fill the moment.

Sometimes I work building my own kingdom and I try to convince myself and others that I'm building God's Kingdom.

I can be very vocal about things that don't matter and remain silent on things that do matter.

I can give people advice that I don't follow.

I can write an honest and vulnerable blog post and worry about how you perceive me now.

Sometime in the next few days, I'll write a post about what I'm striving towards as a Christ-follower and an artist. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts.